Jokes Go Here

[Luke Triton]

There, be happy now, I made the title less ambiguous.

Anyway....
An Italian, Frenchman, and American are gathered in a bar.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman brags. "And this morning she couldn't stop telling me how much she adored me."
"Last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian replies, "and today she said she could never love another man."
The American remained silent. The Frenchman smugly asks, "how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," says the American.
"Only once?" the Italian snorts arrogantly. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."

...Meanwhile the missing Canadian is still going at it.

[Redhorse]

So there's a British black dude, an American white guy, and a British white dude waiting in a hospital.
The doctor comes out and tells them their children (they're here because their wives were in labour) are fine, but were mixed up due to a stupid mistake made by a nurse. He asks them to go inside and identify which is there's so they can take their kids home.
The black man begins to get up to go first, but the other British man rushes ahead of him. He then reappears with a black baby in his arms. The black man begins to protest vehemently, and the other British man says, "Look. One of the kids in there is American. I'm not going to take any chances."

....
I'm so out of it, I can't think of any good ones. My jokes are only funny orally anyway, typing them makes them suck. >_<

[Hero]

This thread

[Luke Triton]

Awww, but you're so great at jokes. :u What about all the ones to do with banking?

[Redhorse]

Oh please, no more banking... why do you have to make me remember things?!

Here's a nice one, don't think I've told it often.
So, there's an economist, a physicist, and a chemist trapped on a deserted little island. The only food they've got with them are cans of beans. They go about trying to open the cans, but aren't strong enough.
The physicist suggests breaking the can open with a rock, but that fails.
The chemist suggests making a fire and heating the can first, but that also fails.
They turn to the economist. The economists says, "Well, for a moment, let's just assume we have a can opener....."

[Nazou]

Two doctors were talking when one tells the other:
"We have to operate that man!"
"Why what does he have?"
"Money."

[Hero]

You want a banking joke?

Spoiler:

Occupy Wall Street

Wait, I've got another one

Spoiler:

Accountability

[Nazou]

How many saiyans are necessary to change a lamp?
Only one, but it'll take three episodes and krillin will die in the process.

[Alura--x--Uneii]

If you hand someone a cigarette does that mean you're handing your butt to them?

[JerichoDeath]

If you hand someone a cigarette does that mean you're handing your butt to them?

Just don't be an ass about it~

... and why is it that I can only think of dead-baby jokes at a time like this...

[leinaud]

So, a blonde walks into a bar..

Spoiler:

ouch!!

What do you call Bison bread?

Spoiler:

Buffaloaf

[ShadowJetX]

Oh please, no more banking... why do you have to make me remember things?!

Here's a nice one, don't think I've told it often.
So, there's an economist, a physicist, and a chemist trapped on a deserted little island. The only food they've got with them are cans of beans. They go about trying to open the cans, but aren't strong enough.
The physicist suggests breaking the can open with a rock, but that fails.
The chemist suggests making a fire and heating the can first, but that also fails.
They turn to the economist. The economists says, "Well, for a moment, let's just assume we have a can opener....."

Fixed for ya bro.

[AsukaNeumaki]

So two scientists walk into a bar and the first one says
Scientist 1" I would like some H2O" the second one says
Scientist 2 "I would like some H2O to"
The second scientist dies.

[Luke Triton]

@Asuka: That is like my fave nerdy scientist joke. xD


1st person: OH NEIN YOU DIDN’T.
2nd person: I DID NAZI THAT COMING.
3rd person: OH HEIL NO. JEW DID NOT JUST MAKE THAT JOKE
4th person: THAT IS NOT ALL REICH, OKAY, OH MY GOD
5th person: GUYS, THESE JOKES ARE TASTELESS, ANNE FRANKLY I WON’T STAND FOR THEM.
6th person: JOKES LIKE THIS REALLY PUT ME OUT OF MEIN KAMPFORT ZONE.

fixed

[Fallen Angel Loretta]

Okay, my turn!

So there's this guy on a business meeting in Hawaii. He decides to send an email to his wife.

However, he sends the message to the wrong email address.

It is instead delivered to a woman whose husband had just died the day before (ooh, the plot thickens).

The message reads:

Dear Wife,

It is very hot down here and very different from home. Some of my new co-workers seem like they're out to get me at times. My new boss must've gotten sunburnt because he is as red as a lobster. He has this pitch-fork-looking-thing that he uses to roast hot dogs when he holds bonfires and loves to carry it around with him. I personally think he's a bit insane, but he'd have my head on a platter if I said that to his face. It's supposed to be at sizzling temperatures tomorrow, and I'll probably cook for sure! I can't help but think that it would be better down here if you were with me.

Love,
Your Husband